


Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

by libellules



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 10:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libellules/pseuds/libellules
Summary: Eliott stood too silently, holding onto Lucas with a firm steadiness as the bus approached behind him, letting people on and off and then passing, Eliott remaining still with his arms on Lucas.“Your bus,” Lucas commenting, fingers grasping the material so tightly that Eliott wondered if taking one step back would rip the fabric in half. “It’s gone.”“That’s okay. There will be another soon.”Or the one where Lucas cries each time Eliott says goodbye and Eliott, terrified for the sanity of his mec, finally addresses it.





	Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

As the scattered weeds of dandelions and fluttering wings of robins transformed in brightly lit nights, as the days passed farther beyond summer solstice and towards the inevitable returning of schoolchildren to classes, as the days spent intertwined together grew more plentiful, Eliott began to notice an unsettling truth about his boyfriend: he had some serious abandonment issues. 

Eliott was painfully aware that each individual person had a distinct set of inner turmoils, deeply rooted issues, and fears derived out of past experiences—that was simply common sense. The first time Lucas had cried for a short parting, Eliott figured it had risen from the overwhelming urgency of Lucas’ feelings: the knowledge that their relationship was blossoming and the kindles of their love had caught flame, just to have Eliott swept out from under his grasp. He had given Lucas the benefit of the doubt, replaced the tears on Lucas’ cheeks with feathered kisses, and texted him later that day with a reassurance that they had indeed not exchanged farewells. 

None of this, he had assumed, was anything to worry about. That was until it happened again. And again. And again. 

In the months that followed their first ‘ _I love you_ ’s,’ Eliott had grown increasingly comfortable and secure in their relationship. Following a few particularly bad manic episodes, Lucas had proven to Eliott that he planned on staying, on loving Eliott through thick and thin. 

Eliott had attempted to do the same for Lucas. 

He would leave little doodles in Lucas’ jacket pocket or in his history binder, tucked under his pillow, or stuffed in the bottom of his schoolbag. He would text Lucas when they were apart and send him ridiculously cheesy song lyrics professing his love and unwavering devotion to him. And yet, more often than not when they parted Lucas would cry and practically fall apart before Eliott in a gentle pleading never to leave him alone. 

It was beginning to deeply concern Eliott that Lucas could not handle a moment on his own. And that might have been too exaggerated a thought; Lucas had plenty of classes without Eliott, he sometimes hung out with his friends sans Eliott, and now went to brunch each Sunday with his mother—often without Eliott. Eliott had made a conscious effort to spend some nights at the apartment with Lucas, which was much easier now that Manon had moved out, but his parents were not keen on their son never being home at all, some at least every other week he returned home for a few days so his parents could check in on him. 

And each time, Lucas would cling to him and tiny, salty tears would trickle down Lucas’ cheeks. Each time, Eliott would grow more and more worried about the mental state of his lover. 

Finally, after three months of it, he decided that he needed to say something to Lucas about it. 

“Can’t you stay?” Lucas’ pitiful begging echoed through the thick fabric of Eliott’s sweatshirt. Eliott’s hands were cradling the back of Lucas’ head and the small of his back, Lucas’ smaller hands clutching the material as it dampened. 

“Lucas,” began Eliott, “Please, look at me.” Lucas obliged as Eliott repositioned his hands to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears as best as he could. “Don’t cry, _mec_. There is no reason to cry; I’m just going to be at home for a few days but we can see each other still. I’ll text you and we can facetime. You can come over on Saturday evening. Just don’t cry.” 

Embarrassed, Lucas’ cheeks reddened and his lashes fluttered as his eyes descended towards his feet. 

“M’ sorry,” Lucas admitted softly, his shoulders shuddering as Eliott realized he was trying not to sob. No goodbye had ever triggered sobbing for Lucas, usually, it was just a few stray tears. Eliott knew that the reaction had ensued because of himself, he had never mentioned the tears verbally before. 

“You don’t need to apologize, Lucas,” Eliott explained gently, attempting to lure Lucas’ eyes back to his level by lifting his chin slightly. Lucas’ eyes remained fixated on the ground as another shudder wracked his small frame. “It’s okay, petit. I’m not upset with you. I just don’t ever want to see you this upset. Tell me what I can do.” 

“You can st-stay,” Lucas practically whined, eyes finally finding Eliott’s gaze. They were so glassy that Eliott had a hard time seeing past the moisture to where his beautiful boyfriend stood. Lucas was crumbling before him and Eliott felt terrified—terrified that he was going to break into a million pieces and Eliott would never be able to put them back together. 

“Lucas, it’s not healthy for two people to spend every single moment together. As much as I love you, I mean this.” Eliott waited for Lucas to react but there was nothing so he spoke again. “Baby, you know I’m going to come back right? You have to know that I’m never going to abandon you.” 

Lucas shook his head. “You say that now. But eventually, everyone leaves.” 

“That’s not true,” Eliott protested immediately, shaking his head and running a finger softly across Lucas’ cheek, stroking the tender skin. “I will always come back to you.” 

“But,” asked Lucas, face returning to Eliott’s sweatshirt as Eliott pulled him tightly against in chest in a hug, resting his chin atop of Lucas’ fluffy hair, “what if you do leave? You don’t know the future. What if you find somebody else or you feel like I get too concerned about you like Lucille did? What if you-you…” At a certain point in his rambling questions, Lucas was overtaken by his own emotions and began quietly sobbing. 

Eliott felt his whole heart shattering as he held Lucas in his arms. A part of him wanted to pick Lucas up like a much smaller child and soothe him with gentle reassurances of his love—for he had only ever seen little children cry with such intensity as this. Another part of him wanted to take Lucas by the shoulders and shake him with careful playfulness and tell him to be serious, that he would never leave Lucas no matter what—because surely Lucas knew how deeply Eliott was devoted to him, that he physically could never leave Lucas alone without breaking himself. Instead, Eliott stood too silently, holding onto Lucas with a firm steadiness as the bus approached behind him, letting people on and off and then passing, Eliott remaining still with his arms on Lucas. 

“Your bus,” Lucas commenting, fingers grasping the material so tightly that Eliott wondered if taking one step back would rip the fabric in half. “It’s gone.” 

“That’s okay. There will be another soon.” 

Lucas’ cries dwindled and Eliott hummed with relief, rocking them ever so slightly, soothing himself just as much as Lucas. Eliott wondered if Lucas felt this same terror and helplessness when he watched Eliott through his manic states. 

“I’m sorry,” Lucas confessed, his voice completely exhausted as he laid all his body weight against Eliott. 

“Stop apologizing, Lucas. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“But I am sorry,” Lucas retorted, pulling out of the hug and out of Eliott’s embrace, wrapping his arms around himself and continuing to back up slowly. 

“Lucas,” cooed Eliott as lovingly as his increasingly worrying self could muster. “Lucas, stop, please.” 

When they were about a meter apart, Lucas finally stopped and took a deep breath to steady himself. Eliott watched as Lucas wiped away the tears off his rosy cheeks and then looked from side to side in fear of passersby and their lurking eyes. Eliott felt frozen in place, clueless to right words of comfort. 

“You can go now,” Lucas stated, looking up into Eliott’s eyes once more. “I’m fine.” 

“Mon amour,” pleaded Eliott, “you don’t have to say that. I don’t want you to lie to me.” 

“I’m not lying.” 

“Lucas.”

“I’m not!”

“You’re fucking shaking, Lucas. Let me hold you.”

“No!” screamed Lucas, suddenly unconcerned with the attention he was drawing himself of others waiting for the next bus. And then, in a trembling voice, “Don’t.”

“Lucas.” This time, Eliott approached him cautiously, his hands before his body taking Lucas by cupping his cheeks. “What is it?” 

Turning his head to the side so his confession would be easier—without the love of Eliott’s sweet smile in his way—Lucas finally spoke. 

“I’m so scared, Eliott. I’m really fucking scared all the time and I don’t know why because…well, because I really love you and whenever I love somebody they leave and I-I don’t want you to leave me because I just don’t think I could make it,” Lucas rambled, every bone and nerve in his body trembling through his speech and the breath daring to escape his lungs entirely. At the end of his words, Lucas caught his breath with a start and stared with large, childlike eyes up at Eliott. 

This time, there were no tears of sadness of fumes of longing radiating off of Lucas, only wide eyes laced with true fear—a fear much deeper and stronger than of the dark or of homophobes in the streets. Lucas had some serious abandonment issues and Eliott had no idea what to do about it, how to prove to Lucas that he wasn’t going to leave, that he wouldn’t just stop loving him. 

The only way Eliott could think of would be to propose—and Eliott had occasionally imagined what it would be like to spend forever with his Lucas, to raise a little daughter with pigtails in her hair with the spirit animal of a firefly, waking up each morning in their own little house out in the countryside where the rising sun would wake them blissfully—but they had only been dating for a few months and they were kids. He couldn’t propose, not for another few years. He needed something else to tell Lucas, something that could anger him when his anxieties overtook his rationality. Minute by minute was not enough this time. 

“It’s really scary to be in love,” Eliott began, Lucas’ eyes watching, waiting for reassurance and for betrayal. “I know how that feels, trust me. It’s hard to open up to somebody and then to lose them. It’s hard when the people you love leave.” 

“Yeah.” Lucas took a step closer so they were centimeters away from fully touching.

“I’ve had a lot of people leave because they can’t handle the fact that I am bipolar, or that I am pansexual. But,” Eliott said, slowing down at the end, unsure of the reaction the following words would cause, “but my parents have always stood by me through everything. It must have been really scary to have to live on your own without them, huh?” 

“Terrifying,” confessed Lucas in a broken whisper. Eliott put a hand on each other shoulders and hunched his back so their eyes would be level. 

“I-I was so alone, Eli. If it wasn’t for Mika…I don’t even know. And there were so many months where I couldn’t even pay the rent but he let me stay and then you left and, well, now I know why, but it was you and then Yann ignored me for the entire weekend when I came out to him and I was so alone, Eliott. I was really scared that I would always be alone. I can’t do that again.” 

Eliott wrapped his arms around Lucas and pulled him into a hug, tight but less desperate than before. Lucas felt lighter in his arms after such a confession. The bus picked up the people waiting at the stop once again. 

“I didn’t know that happened with Yann.” 

“Yeah, but don’t judge him okay. Everything turned out fine.” 

“I won’t judge him, don’t worry. I’m glad you told me, though. I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything.” 

“I do, I just,” Lucas began hesitantly. “I just know how this story goes.” 

“This story?” 

“Yeah, _us_.” Lucas looked up at Eliott, took a deep breath, and spoke again. “Things are great for a while and I open up to you and then something happens—I don’t know what, maybe you want to go to school in the States or there’s some kind of terrible accident, or maybe you meet somebody knew who makes you feel the butterflies—whatever it is, something happens and I lose you and then suddenly I’m alone again. And I just don’t think I’ll be able to find anybody else who I love as much as I love you.” 

“Oh, Lucas,” sighed Eliott, pressing a kiss to the top of his hair, then to his forehead, then his cheek. He took a strong hold of each of his cheeks and then pressed a kiss to his lips, pulling away and speaking once again. “That’s not going to be our story. I promise. I’m going to love you for as long as you will love me and nothing and nobody is going to come between us.” When Lucas didn’t seem satisfied, Eliott decided to ask a risky question. “What if we get an apartment together. 

Lucas shook his head defeatedly. 

“Eliott, no. We can’t. I don’t have enough money for rent and neither of us has a job.”

“I’ll get a job, then,” prompted Eliott. 

“No. We won’t be able to afford it and then you’ll be working all the time instead of being with me.” Eliott was pleased to see Lucas’ pouting was becoming more playful and less pitiful. 

“You could move in with my family?” 

“And have sex with your parents in the next room? I don’t think so.” 

“Then tell me what to do because I want you to know that I’m serious when I say I will never leave you.” 

“So stay.” 

“Petit, it’s not that simple. I need to see my parents, they need to know that I am alive and well. And as much as I would love to spend every night with you and Mika, I think if I moved in I would need to contribute to the rent.” 

Lucas’ eyes brightened suddenly. 

“You could move in with me!” 

“Lucas, I just told you, I can’t.” 

“But you can, though! I’m sure if I asked Mika he would be alright with it and-,”

“Enough, please, Lucas. Maybe once I am done with school and start working we can think about getting a real place together. Right now, I need to be with my parents sometimes and you have a really good thing going with Mika. I love you, Lucas. I need you to start trusting me when I tell you that. Do you trust me?”

“I do, but-,”

“No, Lucas. It needs to be that simple. It would literally kill me to break up with you, but I don’t know what else to do if you can’t even trust that I love you enough to come back.” 

“Do you _want_ to break up?” 

“No, I don’t. At all. I don’t think I ever could break up with you. But if this is ever going to be a healthy relationship, we need to have trust. I trust you completely, Lucas. Do you trust me?” 

Lucas nodded. Eliott pressed another kiss to his lips. 

“I need you to start trusting me, okay? When I need to go home for a little while, you need to tell yourself that it’s okay, that I’m not leaving forever, just a little while. Okay? I need you to trust yourself, petit. Is that something you can do for me?” 

“I think so,” Lucas answered softly. 

“Good, because,” stepping to the side, Eliott introduced the inevitable: the bus had arrived, “I need to go home.” 

Eliott watched as Lucas bit down on his lip and fought the urge to cry. 

“I love you so much, Lucas. Please trust me and trust yourself and don’t cry when I leave, okay?” 

Lucas nodded and watched without a tear as Eliott kissed his forehead one last time and then hopped up into the bus, handing the driver two euros and waving goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> So I have been wanting to write some Elu content and this idea has been wandering inside my head since the scene where Lucas cried as Eliott left (who did not pay his bus fare in canon **just saying**). Anyway, this is soft but also angsty because that is indeed the skam aesthetic if you ask me. Enjoy :)


End file.
